As others see us

“O, wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
An' foolish notion.”
Robert Burns (1759-1796)

There is an inclination to play with this poetic fancy.

1. To see ourselves as we see ourselves
2. To see ourselves as others see us
3. To see ourselves as we imagine others see us

How we see ourselves varies with both internal and external factors. Internally the mood can be up, neutral or down. Externally we can be facing desirable, neutral or undesirable situations amongst friends or family and at work or play.

How are we to know how others see us? They may communicate verbally or non verbally. But they may be twisting the truth about their feelings to make us feel good or bad. Beware false flatterers and slimy sycophants.

And we will change as we move from cradle to grave, from womb to tomb. Shakespeare caught the essence:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players,
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts
William Shakepeare (1564-1616)

Shakespeare in 16th century England imagined that there were seven ages in the life of man - infant, schoolboy, lover, soldier, justice, pantaloon, second childhood. The ancient Hindu system in India imagined that there were four stages - student life (till 24), household life (24-48), retired life (48-72) and renounced life (72-demize). In the 21st century West there is commonly felt to be eight stages – pre-natal, infant, child, teenager, young mature, old mature, retired, geriatric.

Particular cultures and sub cultures have their own models. Members of the culture are expected to toe the line and not to rock the boat - for “what will people think?” And there is no hiding place. An omniscient God (and some recently dead ancestors) know what is going on in your mind. The ongoing process of enculturation locks people into the official world view and has ways of arresting deviance and ensuring compliance.

During mindfulness meditation ‘you’ can be conscious of, and a witness to, your ‘self’. You are also aware that your mind has a mind of its own. All this suggests that ‘self’ is a verb and it is constantly being recreated in the unconscious.  What others see in us is unlikely to hit the mark!