our inner life is riven

I have just finished re-reading Batchelor (1997). I like his vibe. He is well informed and feisty. His battle cry is for ‘awareness’ in its modern cultural setting.

I stood while reading to avoid going to sleep. And I used a black biro to mark the margins beside noteworthy  passages. Often the marks were in the same place as in the last reading but there were also some new ones. I am not the same reader that I was last time.

In what follows there are three quotes from early in the book and my reactions to them regarding an inner life riven between the intellect and experience

‘An unawakened existence, in which we drift unaware on a surge of habitual impulses, is both ignoble and undignified.’ P6

There is the image of a sports car mind that is never out of first gear. Many brains are wasted. Their enormous potential is never realized. This is what drew me to education. Helping the youth to get their brains out of first gear. But the fuel was intellect rather than spirit. In future ‘mindfulness’ might be on the curriculum.

Normally we are unaware of the extent to which we are distracted, for the simple reason that distraction is a state of unawareness … much of the time we fail to register what is happening here and now. We are living an edited version of the past, planning an uncertain future, or indulging in being elsewhere. Or running on automatic pilot, without being conscious at all.’ P24

Stephen Batchelor

Notice what you are noticing. Think about thinking. Be awake and aware of what is going on in the here and now. Withdraw the tentacles that flail in second hand time. Be conscious of your consciousness. You are free to be more than a moronic robot. Breathing in I know that I am breathing in. When the monkey mind grabs the attention centre let it go. Take notice. Act  responsibly.

 ‘At times we may retreat: disentangling ourselves from social and psychological pressures in order to reconsider our life in a quiet and supportive setting. At times we may engage with the world: responding empathetically and creatively to the anguish of others … If we devote ourselves to the welfare of the world while our inner life is riven by irrational ideals and unresolved compulsions, we can easily undermine our own resolve.’ P42

I am now over 60. I did not deal with anguish as well as I might have done – personally or socially. I went looking for better ways to be human but did not find them - other than intellectually.

I took time out for five lengthy retreats in the village but, until recently, they dealt with intellectualizations rather than experience. On this final retreat there is more attention given to non intellectual experience. Writing ensues and there is engagement with the world by making the words available on the internet.

Stephen Batchelor (1997) Buddhism without beliefs – a contemporary guide to awakening