A flush of dis-ease

chit chat

There was a flush of dis-ease when I woke this morning. There were elements of guilt, shame, and embarrassment concerning memories of recent social engagements.

Did I behave ‘properly’? Did I speak out of turn? What will people think? This is a long standing mental habit. It may be useful to drag it into the daylight and give it a name.

Since adolescence I have wondered why people bother with idle chit chat about the weather when there are so many more important things to think and talk about.

So many people just open their mouths and let their bellies rumble. If minds are sports cars most people never get out of first gear. We have been granted the tool of language. Surely it can be put to more effective use.

There are local cultural and subcultural conventions about chit chat and the more serious topics. As a general rule there is the stiff upper lip, and the brave face. And there are taboo subjects such as money, sex, illness and death.

Minister of Religion

The Minister and the Undertaker at yesterday’s cremation ceremony said the right things in the right way; but I noted being surprised that the Minister should mouth such antiquated words and sentiments. When are we going to enter the 19th century - let alone the 21st.

Under the influence of my school teacher aunt, I read many books when I was a youth. This exposed me to a wide range of thoughts and actions which were alien to the local subculture. I began to realize that my emerging thought trains were idiosyncratic and that I had a sermon that never will bear preaching. The cosmos is Godless. The concept of God as ‘other’ is a dangerous illusion. Or, as Nietzsche put it, “God is dead”.  And I came to believe that this is a good thing as it opens the door to humanists and the quest to find better and more grounded ways to be human.

I subsequently graduated in Zoology and in Education. My thinking was that through radically reformed education systems children could achieve their truly amazing potential and that the world would therefore be a better place. But, in time, I came to see that education cannot do it alone. My areas of action thus moved from curriculum development to social development and on to personal development. I now think of myself as on a spiritual journey such that I might become part of the solution rather than a supporter of the problem.

So the morning dis-ease has been dragged into the daylight and there is the challenge of giving it a name:

•    just deserts for rebels (beware when you stick your head above the dyke)
•    the downside of changing up a gear (where the mind is a sports car)
•    old habits die hard (neural channels resist being filled in)
•    new habits may not be dug deep enough to completely displace the old ones
•    low self confidence and esteem results from resisting cultural norms

But anyway, the dis-ease is now gone. Mindfulness is a great boon.