At least two minds

LETTER TO H

I am having pangs of guilt about my life style in general and my writing style in particular.

I am in at least two minds about the new style of writing.

On the upside it allows thoughts, feelings and moods to arise out of the unconscious that would otherwise be rejected because of lack of supporting evidence. That is in theory. In practice most of the habitual taboos are still in place! 

On the downside I am not planning my writing in advance and directing efforts towards gathering evidence. And I have stopped using footnotes. By my old professional standards I am sloppy, lazy and self indulgent. I used to herd other people’s cows but now I attend to my own idiosyncratic one.

BUT - I find it strangely mysterious and enjoyable.

A word or phrase captures attention and I begin writing. One sentence follows another and so for paragraphs. I am rarely aware of where the overall story is going but there are often numinous and wordless flashes preceding the next set of words.

This is the ‘muse’ in action. But she is often verbose, inelegant and in need of editing. Evolution is a tinkerer. The unconscious is good enough to ensure survival but it falls short of design perfection.

There are pauses. Ideas stop coming. So I make coffee or wash dishes. The unconscious whirrs and, when I sit back at the computer, there are new ideas to write about.

I am hooked on the notion of the one-pager. When I am near the end of the page there is thought of rounding up – often by having the closing sentence refer back to the opening one. But if I go over the first page I let more ideas turn up and aim to finish at the bottom of the second page.

Then there is titling and editing. It is best to leave the title till last so it can refer truly to what is written. I am fairly disciplined about the editing. It is enjoyable cutting out unnecessary words and breaking up long sentences so the prose flows. After the first session of editing I leave it for a while and then read it again. I know it is ready for publishing when there is an editing session without changes.

These days I publish most of the stories to a blog. There is often some extra paragraphing to cut down the density of the text. I also search Google images for some apt graphics which (a) make the page more visually attractive and (b) add non-verbal support to the message.

SO – there are pangs of guilt. It is too easy – no pain, no gain. I feel as if I am getting something from nothing. This is both unfair and impossible. I have done nothing to deserve such rich pickings. It is the devil’s work – he tempts me into selfish self indulgence. I SHOULD be more humble, hard working, law abiding and ordinary. Keep my head below the dyke.

BUT - I have seen further. I have seen the intangible ‘I’ as the rational despot of consciousness. He is perched on the tiny tip of the iceberg which is the consilient despot of unconsciousness.

The mind has many minds of its own. They are part of the ongoing vital churn that is the Oneness with many manifestations. My ‘I’, both conscious and unconscious, is rooted in my nature (genes), nurture (enculturation) and serendipity (luck).

I had a standard initial Scottish Presbyterian enculturation – God the Father and respect for the elders and betters with their dogmatic institutional religion.

But I partly grew out of that and drifted into appreciating a godless, purposeless vital churn of stardust that became conscious of itself on planet earth between the birth and death of its sun.

On a good day I know this to be a liberating viewpoint.