Poke, stroke and hug

In Facebook your can ‘poke’ other people to let them know that you are thinking of them without using words. This is therefore an electronic social network equivalent of what in Transactional Analysis is known as ‘strokes’ – they make you feel good!

Eric Berne

The psychiatrist Eric Berne (1910-1970) was the father of Transactional Analysis and, in 1964, was the author of a best selling book “Games People Play”. He defined a stroke as the “fundamental unit of social action.” A stroke is a unit of recognition, when one person recognizes another person either verbally or non verbally.

Berne reckoned that adults need physical contact just like infants, but have learned to substitute other types of recognition instead of physical stimulation. So while an infant needs cuddling, an adult craves a smile, a wink, a hand gesture, or other form of recognition. Berne defined the term recognition-hunger as this requirement of adults to receive strokes. Knowledge about the biochemistry that underscored the behavior was not available in his day.

http://www.ericberne.com/

Different cultures have different ways of stroking. In my fishing village in the NE of Scotland for example a scarcely noticeable nod is the most that you are likely to receive from senior males when passing in the street. On the other hand, in my Sangha within the spiritual community that is the Findhorn Foundation, full on body hugs are the norm.

The idea that people should hug more has been around since at least the sixties. There is a feel good factor. In recent times the biochemistry has been discovered. Poking, stroking and hugging cause oxytocin (the love chemical) to be released and you feel more generous, moral, happy and trusting as a result.

Paul Zak

The neuroscientist Paul ZaK presents an informative and humorous TED talk on “Trust, morality and oxytocin”. The talk covers the latest findings.

http://www.ted.com/talks/paul_zak_trust_morality_and_oxytocin.html

“A pioneer in a new field of study called neuroeconomics, Zak has demonstrated that oxytocin is responsible for a variety of virtuous behaviors in humans such as empathy, generosity and trust. Amazingly, he has also discovered that social networking triggers the same release of oxytocin in the brain - meaning that e-connections are interpreted by the brain like in-person connections.” (TED Blurb)

Oxytocin has been labeled the ‘cuddle drug’ by the tabloid press. Eight hugs per day should trigger the recommended dose but, failing that, you can use a nasal spray!