Being willing

Action in an Inverurie café. I sat with a coffee, a scone and a reporter’s notebook. I captured some passing thoughts, feelings and moods (TFM). In this blogpost I have rearranged and edited them which means they appear more controlled and sensible than when they first appeared.

I made a last will and testament in 1986. Since then I have changed my ideas of what to do with the toot. I cannot take it with me so I would be as well to spend it. And to prevent ugly scrabbling amongst potential beneficiaries, I should leave instructions about what to do with what is left. And I should act quickly because death might come suddenly by way of a careless truck driver or a peanut going down the wrong way.

I feel gloriously retired from the institutions that gave me paid work in various parts of the world. I spent two years or more working in Edinburgh, Jamaica, Zambia, South Sudan, Belize, and Lesotho and for shorter periods in Tanzania and Geneva. On top of that I took time out for a couple of Masters degrees and for traditional tourism in France, Mexico, Central America, the states, Tanzania, Germany, Portugal, South Africa, Egypt, Ireland, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia and several parts of Scotland.

And then between contracts I took time out to contemplate the infinite. There were five retreats that lasted eight years in total. The present retreat (the sixth) began in 2004 and is ongoing. I sat with the Northern Lights Sangha once a week between 2004 and 2014. In 2010 I was diagnosed as having Parkinson’s Disease.

During the retreats I figured out that my personal mission statement was:

To find peaceful compassion within

so that

I can help others to find it also

so that

The world will be a better (less authoritarian) place

Many retirees make outer journeys on cruise ships and thus keep busy moving around touristic venues. But to what end? It appears to me that they seek to avoid the emptiness that comes with the chicks leaving the nest and the end of paid work. Only a few face up to the plenum void – to that which is full of empty and stretches unconsciously from the very small to the very big.

I am more attracted to the inner journey and to mindful sitting. I therefore come to appreciate the origins, nature and purpose of thoughts, feelings and moods (TFM). Following the successful training of the non judgemental ‘witness’ there need be ‘no boundaries’: and most people will appreciate the links between the mind and the brain and the possibility of mind over matter.

Training the mind for an alternative world view is like training an elephant to roll logs. The Olympians are monks and nuns who give their lives to the practice. But those who can manage no more than a few minutes a day can also find increasing peace of mind.

I paused now and then to notice the other customers in the café. Most of them sat only long enough to have a quick coffee. There were four instances of an elderly man waiting for the wife to finish shopping. Passing wonderment about their domestic arrangement – does the male take on any of the domestic chores? What TFMs pass through their mindbrains? To whom or what might they bequeath their lifetimes accumulation of toot?