Two sufferings

The first of the four noble truths of Buddhism is that ‘in life there is suffering’. But there are two types of suffering – essential (real) and negotiable (illusory).

Take for example my ‘Parkinson’s Disease’(PD).  Nerve cells in a particular part of my brain are dying and, amongst other things, this results in the loss of fine motor control of my hands. This causes illegible handwriting, reduced ability to play musical instruments, and slow and clumsy use of the computer keyboard and mouse. The medication does not help much with these problems but there are workarounds; I have given up handwriting other than short notes; I engineer the music played by other people; and I spend a lot of time word processing on the laptop.

Those are examples of essential suffering. They are non-egoic ‘facts’ that will not go away. But they can be accompanied by negative thoughts, feelings, moods and storylines which are not fixed. By taking thought these can be expunged.

I was first diagnosed with PD seven years ago.  There was a lot of negotiable suffering in the beginning and my medication included anti-depressants. But I had a daily sitting practice on my own and a weekly session with a sangha. This regular process of mind changing led to my being a non judgemental witness to the thoughts, feelings and moods (TFM) churned out from the unconscious.

These days I spend most of my time focussed on particular tasks. Between tasks attention is open to infestation by the egoic and chaotic TFM from the unconscious. There is still need for training.

Legend has it that a monk came speeding through the village on a horse. The headman shouted, “where are you going at such a speed?”. The monk replied, “ I don’t know – better ask the horse.”

My mind has a mind of its own and it is a monkey mind where the monkey is hyperactive and has fleas. My monkey is created by a mix of nature, nurture and serendipity. My father, mother and Auntie set the cultural tone of the TFM – they were helped by John Knox, Jesus, Aristotle and some impressive eastern characters such as the Buddha, Hui-neng, Confucius and Lao Tzu.

“There’s a voice inside you, it’s the voice of other men
It’s the voice of people dead and gone
Whose preaching makes the world go on – or off!”

Before I figured out how to turn my mind around there was a tendency for the unconscious to totally populate the attention centre with TFM bundles of anxiety, panic and/or depression. This resulted in gut crunching cold sweats, hot flushes, nausea, dizziness, palpitations, feelings of low self-esteem and an urge to avoid other people. AND – in my stoic sub culture it was expected that, through all of this, I should bite the bullet, keep a stiff upper lip and put on a brave face.

In life there is suffering – its a sair chav!