Obsessive diary

I used to be obsessive about the daily diary. For several years there was a new file every day. Sometimes it would be linked to Brande flows of consciousness against the clock, and to one-page essays.

But the pattern is changing. Over the last few weeks attention has been grabbed by social interactions, a Samsung tablet, and Windows Moviemaker - with gaps filled by doodling.

There is also the ongoing stream of thoughts, feelings and moods (TFM). There is an option on how much of this to record. It can be left to pass away (the 0% option) or every detail can be captured and analysed (the 100% option).

The 0% option supports the autopilot Zombie. My nature and nurture have re-created a world view in my mindbrain which is individual but socially delimited. The programming/education/enculturation includes a version of the Protestant work ethic where the devil finds work for idle hands to do and where, if there is no pain, there is no gain. Dreech workaholism and wage slavery.

The pure 100% option is aspirational but unachievable. If I spend all my time capturing and analysing every passing thought, feeling and mood there will be paralysis by analysis. So – there is need to prioritise and to focus attention to maintain mindful mentation.

For example, between the last paragraph and this one I (a) drove to the bank in Banff to deposit my two premium bond cheques, (b) shopped in Tesco, (c) began to open a parcel that arrived while I was away until I realised that the wrong thing had been sent and (d) interacted with Amazon about the parcel.

Monkey mind added various streams of detailed TFM related to the above topics but there was also many other fleeting bursts of TFM whose links to the main themes was not immediately obvious. The ephemeral stuff is created by the continuous churn in the unconscious which serves to monitor and assess the relevance of new material stimulating the sense organs.

Perhaps there was need for hyper-vigilance during the foraging days of the ancestors. You had to be awake to lethal dangers 24/7. Life is softer and safer in these modern times but the hyper-vigilance of the monkey mind lingers on. I try to witness and understand the process as much as the product.

There is still the churn of the monkey mind which directs the Zombie on the busy autopilot. And, increasingly, there is the delightful fact of non egoic non action where the unconscious gives rise to doodles and to these one-pagers.

It feels comfortable to note that the one-pager habit has come back. It helps to enliven the ancient Greek injunction to ‘know yourself’ and the Buddhist one to ‘work out your salvation with diligence’. The daily diary may be a spent force. Hey ho. The only constant thing is change.