There is a doodling frame of mind. But it is not unique. It is similar to several other frames of mind – for example what I am presently writing - a flow of consciousness. I just sit and stuff appears in the attention centre so I write it down and edit it.
At the moment there is some mild, egoic anxiety. Doodling is abnormal; especially when it occupies time slots that could be used for domestic chores. There is guilt because I am irresponsible and strange.
The desire to be ‘normal’ is presumably hard wired. Socio cultural cement. What will people think and what will they say? But which people and in what circumstances? Perhaps the sternest and most watchful witness is my own unconscious. It is active 24/7 (Yup, even when I am asleep) And it involves the monkey mind swinging from topics for fractions of a minute at a time.
The skittering nature of the attentional process is presumably adaptive. Incoming stimuli have to be checked against reflexes and instincts and also against learned behaviours that have proved effective or otherwise in times past.
… next morning
I woke and rose at 05:00. The early shift. Some half hearted calisthenics – with grudge rather than grace. Then two doodles arrived effortlessly. And now I am capturing text in a flow of consciousness. I could write against the clock in a disciplined Brande flow but I cannot be bothered (CBB).
There is grudge when the intention comes from the ‘self’ and is imbued with thoughts of ‘ought’. These are to be ignored such that the voluntary will to action is free to operate. But this may result in abnormality.
What will people think? I associate the phrase with my mother. It dominated her every thought, feeling, mood and action. She could prevent the action but not the other stuff. She was encultured to be a wife and mother and this involved thousands of ‘oughts’ that she accepted - but with a grudge. They also formed the yardstick with which she judged the actions of other folk – especially her daughters and grand-daughters. Presumably she inherited the mind set from her mother.
I am a consequence of my idiosyncratic ancestors. Two parents, four grandparents, eight great grandparents and a host of more or less normal sisters and cousins, uncles and aunties, nephews and nieces. My elder sister has worked on the family tree. But it does not reach back to the hominids, primates, mammals, reptiles and fish!
The known maternal line goes back three generations (154 years) and is rooted in Portsoy. Both my mother and her mother were pregnant when they married. My grandfather disappeared leaving my granny to bring up four children on her own. These events presumably influenced the enculturation of my mother and her three siblings.
The paternal line includes my father’s three elder sisters who were spinsters. The oldest one, Nan, was a primary school headteacher and was influential in my upbringing. She taught me to cook, knit and sew and kept me supplied with relevant reading material.
…oooOooo…
Some references to the family:
“I share parents and ancestors with my sisters ... Quirks of parenting reproduce themselves through the ancestral lines.” http://naesaebad.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/wounded-ancestors.html
“Portsoy roots since 1900”. Article for the Banffie - Portsoy ancestors –
…oooOooo…
There is a massive amount of mental stuff being continuously churned in the unconscious and bits of it are sometimes exposed to attention. Most of it passes quickly but sometimes it lingers and claims all attention to itself. So there is rumination and the ever present possibility of anxiety, stress and depression.
Rick Hanson reckons that, for reasons steeped in evolutionary psychology, the human mindbrain is Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. The negative nature of the chit chat is adaptive and has evolved. It is mainly downbeat stuff and this is presumably adaptive – better a live pessimist than a dead optimist.
But Hanson also reckons that things need not stay that way. Self-directed neuroplasticity is an ever-present tool for enlightenment. By taking thought we can accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. We can thus overcome the downbeat stuff and highlight the peaceful, easy nature of the essentially self-less unconscious. “Always look on the bright side of life!”
Martin Seligman is the father of positive psychology. He notes that traditional psychology uses drugs and talking therapies to make subnormal patients normal. But we can aspire to be supernormal and this calls for elevated insights and techniques which have been isolated by studying supernormal individuals. The move from subnormal to normal calls for theory and practices that are different from those leading from normal to super normal.
For several weeks I have been doodling as an alternative to sitting in meditation. The content and techniques are evolving but ‘control’ lies with the unconscious. The physical techniques are open to objective observation and analysis. A seed may have been planted. It may germinate in the next few days.
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