Getting better

The pattern of thoughts, feelings and moods (TFM) has changed. There has been a shift in content from evolutionary psychology and brain science towards music and sound engineering. Is this a good thing – will it make me better?

Music includes tunes and songs that I have written in times past, and a collection of pieces from Paulina Honig who also plays whistle and flute. John Rennie provides vocals, guitar and bass. Rod Summers provides backing vocals. Jim Paterson provides trombone. I provide some simple wall of sound using voices from the keyboard: problems with my voice and hands stop me performing more actively.

Since the 60s I have composed 66 songs. I reckon that 38 of them are worth developing. 17 are already online with arrangements largely through an early version (6) of Band-in-a-Box. The target is to make ‘real’ versions of the 38 songs.

The sound engineering presents several steep learning curves which often give rise to dis-ease due to my making unjustified assumptions about what ‘should’ be the case. Sometimes I try reading the manual or watching youtube videos but this rarely helps.

Problematic hardware includes a Zoom R16 multi-purpose recorder, an AKAI MPK mini keyboard and pad controller, and a USB microphone. Problematic software includes Cubase LE8 and Band-in-a-Box 2017.

I have been spending a lot of time footering with the music stuff. The technology and the software have evolved enormously since the Lesotho days. The new stuff is less self-evident and user-friendly and that annoys me.

But I have got better at noticing when short term feelings and longer term moods begin to capture attention. They can therefore be replaced by occupying attention with something else.  For example – domestic chores, doodles, revision of text and talks by cutting edge thinkers, and focus on one of the various types of meditation.

These attention grabbers are most effective when they are non-egoic. It follows the notion, “no-self no problem’’. The calm, unflappable state is worth cultivating. But there is the linguistic paradox – what is the nature of the self that knows about the no-self? The Tao Teh Ching has the guts of the issue –

“The reality that can be described is not the real reality.”

Thus

“He who knows does not speak”

And

“He who speaks does not know”

But, it follows, that there is an indescribable reality which can nonetheless be intuited and known but not without training the mindbrain including the unconscious.

So my ongoing awareness of the TFMs that occupy the attention centre might be seen as a robust means of changing my mindbrain for the better.

Better?  

Existential bells.

In retirement I spend a lot of time footering. This is not of necessity bad.  It leaves space for serendipity to kick in. But this is not guaranteed. It is said that ‘Fortune favours the prepared mind’.  Plans can be made.  Should they be?

Options range from detailed to-do-lists that are linked to the clock, through to being with the monkey mind that goeth where it listeth. There can be 6 to 9 for getting ready, 9 to 5 for work, 5 to 10 for me and us, and from 10 to 6 for sleep.

Modern cultures instil time consciousness. Time is not to be wasted. Wage slaves must meet high standards of quality x quantity and thus be acceptably productive. In preparation for this the school bell rings every 40 minutes for 10 years and habituates the uniformed youth to passing time in regularised institutions. 

I was a student for 19 years and a teacher for 11 years. That was about 30 years of living in 40 minute chunks. But I gave up on classroom commitment and worked for about 10 years in government offices where there were no bells. For the last phase of my working life I was a freelance, plain language editor. This involved logging my hours of work so I would know how much to charge the clients.

In retirement I am no longer a wage slave. I have pensions and savings to see me through. I am free to do whatever I want. But what is on the to-do-list, why this rather than that, and, crucially, who is the ‘I’ that wants? 

My ‘what’ continues to be the process of changing minds. This involves ongoing study of brain science, evolutionary psychology, mindfulness meditation, and a sprinkling of ideas from other disciplines. 

It was a mix of nature, nurture and serendipity acting in my times and places that created my illusory ‘I’, caused me to be suspicious of it, and drives me to revalue the unconscious. 

There is aspiration to reject conscious thinking and to let the unconscious be in the driver’s seat. A lot of high level stuff gets done in non-egoic mode. Presently this includes doodles, blog posts, sound engineering, reading non-fiction, and meditating. 

There is also ‘low’ level domestic stuff in the house and garden. Much of this is done non-egoically but I feel that it uses time which could be better used on the higher stuff. Note in passing that a fair bit of time is spent on the internet in the morning and on TV in the evening. I tend to view this as ‘cheating’ through surrender of attention to the media people.

I am aware of the options ranging from (a) joining a monastery where the higher stuff is touted on a 24/7 timetable through to (b) being a simple minded consumer of nick nacks touted though the internet by the media.

I aspire to be mindful of what is going on but I fall short. Too much non egoic footering with retro-planning after the event. Existential soft rock is a cop out. Hey ho!

Garnering the unconscious outputs

There has been a falling short of the target. The idea, as of 2013, had been to allow a meaningful story to emerge from the unconscious every other day (ie about 180 per year). But the stories got longer and less frequent. 

2016	88
2015	107
2014	128
2013	199
2012	45
2011	46
2010	64
2009	55
2008	75
2007	16
2006	44
2005	20
2004	32
2003	35
2002	62
2013 till present are on the ‘changing minds’ blog and 2002 till 2012 are on the ‘existential soft rock’ blog which is now an archive

Other activities aimed at capturing outputs from the unconscious included absorbing text and talks from cutting edge thinkers, doodling, and just sitting and being a non-judgemental witness to what passes through the attention centre. 

There seems to be an urge to write shorter stories more often. One concept, one story. This could build up to a glossary of key terms.

 

Is this enough for a story?