bluesy mood

There has been something of a bluesy mood recently. “I am a hopeless chancer” with an expanding inability to handle simple technical things like changing a lightbulb.

Aha – it is a ‘waste of time’ to write about the negative nitty gritties – the petty stuff. However, in some schools of thought there is need (a) to take heed of what TFMs (thoughts, feelings, moods) are capturing attention, (b) to name them, and (c) to hold them or let them go. “Accentuate the positive.”

Peace of mind is easier said than done. One secret is to practice ‘just sitting’(ref Dogen Zenji) and to become familiar with the egoic v non-egoic mental states.

There are egoic mental states that cloud the mind and manifest in unwholesome actions. In Buddhism these are called Kleshas and they include such states of mind as anxiety, fear, anger, jealousy, desire, depression, etc. Contemporary translators use a variety of English words to translate the term kleshas, such as: afflictions, defilements, destructive emotions, disturbing emotions, negative emotions, mind poisons.

There are non-egoic mental states that clear the mind of the kleshas and enable sustainable focus. These mental states are gradually being recognised as ‘flow’ and are associated with the wholesome action of creative people such as poets when inspired by their ‘muse’, athletes when in their ‘zone’, improvising musicians when in the ‘groove’, and housekeepers when washing the dishes

These days I am in non-egoic flow most of the time; but the kleshas are continuously churning incoming sensory signals (sights, sounds, tastes, smells) with similar stuff in memory. The linkages serve to keep my understanding of ‘reality’ up to date in the present moment.

The angst and ennui (blues) that are associated with the kleshas are the price that most people must endure. My mindbrain was shaped by nature, nurture and by serendipity. I have put a lot of time and effort into training my mindbrain.

Activities include:

Reading (non-fiction), attending to media, writing (blog), doodling, making music, shopping, cooking, meditating, being mindful, dropping off body and mind, “just sitting” (Dogen Zenji).

dreadful waste

My head goes in different places from other people. I sat in company the other day and noted what was being said. We are all shaped by nature, nurture and serendipity.  To some extent we are the same, and to some extent we are different.

Vocabulary sets limits on what can be thought, spoken and written. Pictures and tools also help to enrich how we relate to each other and the world.

Some people will have restricted vocabularies while others will have extended ones. Your natal language is likely to be more elaborate than foreign ones. And there will be variations during work, rest and play.

As there is junk food so is there junk conversation. It features in the process of more or less formal schooling (aka brainwashing). Different social situations call out different curricula with their own vocabularies: for example I was schooled in Zoology and I thus can chat about vertebrates and invertebrates and their breakdown into phyla, classes, orders, families, genuses and species. In a similar way we have ‘expertise’ in specialisms such as gardening, cooking, DIY, hairdressing, ICT and many more.

It is said that the human mindbrain is a sports car that few people get out of first gear. By the time they are in their late 20s they have become parents and have settled into a limited set of world views.

My brain-washing views this as a dreadful waste. 

There are too many people on the planet – especially the first gear types. There is thus an imperative to have people change their minds so as to do away with myths and magic and to think and act in a user-friendly way.

Incontinence

Having an uncontrollable need to pee. And there is no warning. It trickles down my leg and into my slippers. I went to the doctor and the chemist in track suit pyjamas so as not to soil all my clothes. I got antibiotics (nitrofurantoin) and it is now the next day and the peeing is much less.

I have a ceramic poe from an earlier life and it inspired me to use a round plastic basin for a similar purpose. I used my left hand to position the penis such that it did not deliver outside of the basin. The right hand fine-tuned the aiming.

I remember sitting in the toilet of the servants’ quarters in Jamaica after a short holiday in Mexico. There were regular sessions of nippy shits but with an excellent view of the citrus and banana plantations stretching down the hill to the sea. Then there were the screaming shits of typhoid in Juba. There was the thought of being able, as a biology teacher, to teach about many of the tropical diseases from the inside. 

I also have inside knowledge of Parkinson’s Disease – particularly of the non-motor aspects. This allows me to rate some of the research findings – for example

“Increasing research, however, shows that Parkinson’s is a multisystem disease that affects other nerve cells besides dopaminergic neurons, triggering symptoms, such as cognitive impairment, sleep disturbances, depression, and sensory impairments. These symptoms, however, are barely used as endpoints in clinical trials for Parkinson’s.”

 Right enough – what is missing?

“Types of non-motor symptoms

    Emotional and mood changes including, depression, anxiety, and irritability. Antidepressant drugs can be taken to treat depression.

    Cognitive changes or dementia associated with memory, language, and thinking problems.

    Hallucinations and delusions, causing people to see, hear or experience things that aren’t real (hallucinations), or believe that things aren’t true (delusions). Nuplazid is an approved drug for the treatment of hallucinations and delusions associated with Parkinson’s disease.

    Orthostatic hypotension, a sudden drop in blood pressure that occurs when a person stands up from a sitting or lying position. It causes dizziness and, in extreme cases, loss of balance and fainting.

    Sleeping problems such as insomnia, nightmares, emotional dreams, and restless sleep.

    Constipation or urinary problems.

    Skin problems such as oily skin, particularly on the forehead and at the sides of the nose, and in some cases in the scalp. In other cases, the skin becomes very dry.

    Pain associated with muscle and joints rigidity. Treatment with levodopa (a medication that temporarily restores dopamine in the brain) and certain types of exercise can help relieve pain symptoms.

    Fatigue and loss of energy may result from other symptoms, such as depression, sleep problems, or muscle stress. Exercise, good sleeping habits, staying mentally active, or not engaging in too many activities may help in relieving these symptoms.

    Sexual problems. Parkinson’s disease affects nerve signals from the brain, which may cause sexual problems. Certain medications, such as antidepressants, also may contribute to these problems.

    Muscle cramps and dystonia. Muscle cramps are associated with muscle rigidity, especially in the legs and toes. Massages, stretching, and applying heat may help with cramps. Dystonia results from the variation of dopamine levels that trigger muscle contraction.

Other examples of non-motor symptoms may include:

    Vision problems.

    Excessive sweating, especially in the hands and feet with no or little exercise.

    Loss of smell.

    Weight loss or weight gain.

    Impulsive behaviours due to the side effects of medication.”

I have at times suffered many of those items. But I have three groups of nuisance symptoms which do not get a fair hearing on the above list.

Slivering. Especially while dosing in a more or less upright position. When working at the computer I position myself so as to dribble between my legs on to the floor. While dosing there is a flow through my beard and into my shirt which ends up severely soaking.

Voice. My voice is soft and I stutter. This is quite a nuisance when just speaking. It is a severe problem when trying to sing.

Hands. Weakness. Illegible hand writing; clumsy computer keyboard and use of a mouse; clumsy and slow playing of guitar and musical keyboard. Handling money. Opening tins and bottles.